I keep having to deal with this asshole senior developer that makes the dumbest fucking decisions that affect the entire codebase, giving me tons of extra work in the process, guilts me when I need to take time off, and writes dogshit code on top of that. I have no idea how this complete dipshit made it to senior.
It’s me. The dipshit is me.
Take the time estimates that this bully gives you. Tell them the time estimates are way off. Take their estimate, multiply it by three. So, if it would have taken 3 days, then it will really take 9 – that’s two whole weeks of 40 hours each. If it would have taken 3 months then it will really have taken 9 months.
When you get a calendar invite and this asshole bully accepts it for you, make sure to include that cost in your time estimate.
And make sure to stick to your 8 hours each day. If you didn’t get work done because some asshole bully filled your calendar with meetings and left you with no time to work, and then also made stupid decisions about the entire codebase, make sure to report that to your manager. Your manager needs to know when time estimates are going to slip.
That dipshit will start to figure out how much time it really takes to get work done. It might take a while though for that to be learned so bear with it.
Have you tried working with them to figure out a more sustainable decision making process? :D
People bully each other at work? As adults?
Yes. All those childhood bullies grow up and get jobs. Many in middle management, where they can bully yo their heart’s content
Sounds like you’ve dodged a toxic work environment so far, hope it stays that way for you!
I think some people just dodge the whole bullying experience in general. Different people naturally establish different boundaries and expectations of others.
It’s all about how you deal with it. Bullies think they can get away with anything, that’s why they do what they do. You have to show them that with you, they won’t. Kick their ass in front of some folks and they’ll never bother you again
True dat
Oh shit yeah. It’s worse than highschool.
Sometimes people at least try, depends in part on the workplace and in part on the person they’re attempting to bully as to what happens as a result.
On graduation day we move into a system of tunnels under a graveyard. Forever away from the light. Crawling in the bones and corpses. Growling and snapping at each other. But hey at least we have a Keurig.
You’d be absolutely astonished what grown adults do in the work place
Nobody, and I won’t work somewhere that puts up with that shit.
I’ve had bad bosses and coworkers before. When I was young and easily replaceable I put up with it until I realized that the jobs were just as replaceable as I was. “Oh hey, I can make the same money almost anywhere, so why deal with these assholes?”
Now I’m specialized in a high demand field. Corporate plays stupid games among the executives but they know better than to mess with us - you can find an MBA under any rock but people with my skill set are the core of the business and we’re hard to find. My team is professional and helps each other out. Any of us could quit and likely get better pay elsewhere, so we make sure to weed out the troublemakers.
Love your attitude
lol he fuckin died
He was the ONE person I though would give my best friend a hard time there (because she’s trans) and he kicked the bucket a WEEK before she started. I don’t believe in signs but if I did that would’ve been one.
All his decades of drinking, snorting coke, dropping acid, and shooting up while simultaneously trying to get others fired through framing them for substance abuse caught up to him terminally. Triple whammy of throat, stomach, and intestinal cancer. It’s not Karma, but holy fucking shit does it FEEL like Karma.
🎶🦀🎵
Sorry, my karma ran over your dogma
Aint nobody sorry XD
Who’s dogma?
He’s putting me down every chance he gets. Whenever I have even the slightest achievement to celebrate, he is right there to tell me it’s pointless and I’ll never actually amount to anything.
So far he’s been right.
I even tried switching employers to be rid of him but somehow he’s always right there wherever I end up, ready to continue tormenting me both at work and later, at home.
I am he. I tried to run but it’s no use.
What work do you try to do?
I suggest that, instead of changing employers, you address this bully head on.
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Tell him that your employer pays you whether you feel happy or not, and it’s not his choice to that.
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Tell him that your employer would have already fired you if your employer felt you weren’t worth the money they pay you.
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Tell him that your coworkers would have been telling you how awful you are, if you truly were awful.
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Talk to your coworkers about this bully. He might be bullying them too!
I think you missed the “I am he” part but still most of that applies.
🤣
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I had a very toxic, manipulative, and lying boss. Would literally gaslight people. She criticized my valid overtime to my supervisor and when my supervisor told me, I said “Can you come with me to her office right now? I’m going to confront her.” My supervisor was nervous but followed me to our boss’ office. This was just the last straw for me in a long series of events.
Our department’s office was being remodeled and we were temporarily in a space where there were a ton of other teams from homeless and school-based departments that heard me confront her.
I probably came close to aggressive, but I mostly stayed in an assertive tone/cadence. But it was clear that I was pissed… Every time she made one of her unreasonable criticisms I called her out on it. When she said we were going to agree to disagree, I told her: “No we’re not; because you are wrong.”
She knew that her criticisms were unreasonable and just to abuse her limited power that sadly still went to her head. She would gaslight our team about policy/workload changes that didn’t actually come from above, and increased our workload unreasonably to make her look good. She literally told a team member of mine who was suicidal (we were all struggling immensely being over-worked in the collapsing healthcare system here in the US) “It sounds like you’re standing on a ledge and you need to decide to stay or leap.” This is leadership in one of the largest mental health organization in the US… She also told this same team member: “You’re not depressed; you’re just lazy.”…
She only got worse over the years until I quit in February this year after long-covid started kicking my ass and I couldn’t handle the workload/lifestyle anymore. Despite the fact that she only got worse over time, she never treated me that way to my face again.
She’d lie and talk shit about me behind my back, but she never talked down to me or anything like that to my face again. I think I scared her. She’d never had anyone confront her and call her out on her bullshit, not to mention with an office full of like 20+ people to hear her humiliation.
On the walk back to my supervisor’s office to finish our monthly ‘supervision’ meeting, my supervisor said “I can’t believe you talked to her like that. I wish I could stand up to them like that… but I’m too afraid to lose my job.”
That right there is where I argue that my actions were probably against my own best interests, but it did work out well for me. She would no longer micromanage and harass me like everyone else she oversaw. It’s usually worked out for the better, but I’ve got a bad habit of sticking to my guns when I know I’m right and not being afraid of confrontation.
I can’t think of a time in my life that directly confronting and taking on a bully hasn’t had a positive outcome for me. Whether it be verbally or physically, it has always made the circumstances better for me. Don’t know if it’s fear or respect. Most bullies are very insecure tho.
Definitely not recommending that sort of confrontation in a work setting tho. I think I probably would have been fired in most circumstances, but I think she knew I’d do my damnedest to uncover her bullshit on my way out.
Damn girl this was inspirational as fuck! LOL I applaud you you did exactly the right thing. Bullies need to be confronted on their behavior and told that it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated anymore.
Girl I applaud you this was inspiring and hell yea you need to confront them
Them: “The API requests I’m making aren’t working.”
Me: “Ah. That behavior means your request has such-and-such header wrong.”
Them: “Can you help me figure out why the server is acting incorrectly?”
Me: “Well, the server isn’t doing anything incorrect here. But sure. Let’s jump on a Zoom and work out what’s wrong.”
Them: “I’ll let you know when I have time.”
A couple of days later.
Them: “Can you request that the server admins fix the incorrect server behavior?”
Me: “Well, as I said, there isn’t anything wrong with the server. Here. Here’s an API request that works properly and doesn’t exhibit the issues you’ve been having.”
Them: “This error happens on every request I make. I think the server is acting incorrectly.”
Me: “If this was a problem on the server, we’d be flooded with support requests. But when I use the client tool which works via the API, everything works perfectly, see? Can you give me an example API request that’s been giving you issues?”
Them: “I can’t work on it right now.”
Me: Goes and gets requests from the server logs. “Ah. Ok. I see the issue. See this header here? The way you’re using this header isn’t correct. There’s extra stuff in the header that shouldn’t be there. That’s probably what’s causing your issue.”
Them: “Maybe.”
That’s as far as the conversation has progressed so far. We’ll see how it progresses next week.
This individual has been pestering other folks on my team. Always comes across as putting blame on whoever they’re talking to and not taking “the problem is X; fix that and if it’s still an issue, we can talk further” for an answer. Really has a way of bringing out the defensiveness in folks.
Just make sure to keep the emails so when the issue gets elevated, you can show them as helping.
It’s someone I work for (not manager) she’s absolutely going out of her way to find things I do wrong, even though most of them are usually her doing in the first place. I finally cornered her and asked her flat out why she was picking on me and she got really flustered and sputtered excuses, and I told her it has to stop. I honestly think she has a personality disorder because this is chronic long term behaviour for her with everyone.
Whether she has a personality disorder or not it does not excuse her behavior or give her a pass to treat anyone that way. You did right by standing up for yourself make sure you nip that shit in the bud and don’t allow her to do that again
I even tried befriending her, thinking maybe we’d work better together if we were friends because we have stuff in common, and when she’s not being a ho I genuinely do enjoy her. She turned around and ripped me a new ass a week later. I have great respect for her knowledge in her field, she’s really smart, and one of the best at what she does, but by God she needs therapy. Thank you for your kind words. I like my job ok and I’m devoted to the program but she is wearing me down inch by squawking inch.
You tell your manager. Why the hell would you put up with this shit as an adult? Stand up for yourself.
Thats not how the real world works anywhere but an office. I once did what you said at a construction site and became known as “sjw removed” as opposed to my real name. My crime is that i didnt want to work next to a guy that refused to call me anything but “the homosexual” and made political jabs all day. I wasnt asking for him to be fired. I just wanted to be on a different crew. My boss made extra sure his was the only crew i worked on. DO NOT tell your manager. If you are being bullied at work then its already bad enough that your boss will only make it worse.
Not sure if I’m being “bullied” or management is just being dumb and is terrible at communication. Earlier this year the boss of my department scheduled a meeting with me, turns out it’s with everyone in the management layer between me and him so about 5 people. In the meeting, which I knew nothing about beforehand, they quiz me on everything I’ve been working on. It’s like I’m about to get fired or something but they say they just want to know what I’m working on because one of the managers wants to start asking me for help on their projects. They apologize no one mentioned it to me before the weird meeting and claim that was an oversight. They assure me nothing is changing except I will have some new things added to my plate. Months go by and nothing changes, I never get assigned anything from this other manager. The other week it happened again, I get a meeting invite and surprise it’s the entire management team except this time we went over the list from last time and every single thing I’ve worked on for many years is being taken away from me, except the shitty thing no one wants to be responsible for. And I’m getting a new supervisor despite them previously assuring me that wouldn’t happen. No one ever said a word to me about anything, just like with the last meeting. From my perspective it all feels very disrespectful and bizarre. I would be fine with change if we actually discussed it first and did things in a rational way. Instead they completely changed almost everything about my job without telling me they were even thinking about doing it. It really feels like they are intentionally fucking with me.
Ah yes, 5 layers of management and yet somehow your job is what needs inspection.
Yeah that’s really fucked up dude I’m so sorry you’re going through that. They definitely don’t give a shit about your work performance to be throwing you around and all these different directions like that I mean come on. If I were you, I would straight up ask them what is y’all’s goal with my position? Because there seems to not be very much clarity about it on y’all’s end. Fuck them
i am unemployed, so currently only getting bullied by my own imagination
🤣 hang in there bruh
»I« am probably bullying myself at work the most. I feel like a walking lie. Just … fake, like, that person that you see there, it’s not even really »me«. I cannot stop the pretend 🤦 conditioned to feel that the mean attitude of people from my past and their opinions on me is my identity …
I’ll try to accept that maybe for the others the feelings I experience is not how they think about me and, perhaps, grow a little bit further out of my internalized shame. Hmm…
It can be really hard to recognize and reprogram automatic negative thoughts… I don’t know you and don’t want to jump to conclusions about you from a single comment, but I thought it could be helpful to share this info.
The “What? Me Worry” evidence-based module available here for free has great education on how to engage in cognitive restructuring, which is all about evaluating the evidence for and against a belief, and altering it to make it more accurate (not more positive, but it just so happens that the more accurate beliefs tend to be more positive than the automatic negative thoughts).
This is an awesome website full of free evidence-based resources that I used in clinical interventions with my former Clients. Love to share it online. I’ve found a lot of the material very helpful myself.
I see you also work in IT, jk. Lol
I actually did work in IT 🫣
Imposter syndrome
I’ve never really been bullied, neither in school, university or work. When I realized that I thought that perhaps I was the bully if nobody bullied me. But I can’t think of having bullied anyone either, at least not intentionally.
I replied to OP but I also need to say that I have definitely been the bully before. Very very inept coworker that after months of mentoring started to blame me for their short comings. So, after that, I stopped being so nice. There was only so much bullshit I could handle.
So at the time, it felt justified? But looking back I wish my response was to just ignore them.
Never ignore. It sounds like they were being a dick honestly
I work alone mostly and I’m unionized, so I’ve reached a point in my career that anyone who even remotely bullies me gets a swift “go fuck your mother”. Whether that be a client, boss or supervisor.
Hell yeah man I love you ! That’s what I’m fucking talking about !
The last time I was bullied, was by my own boss, back in 2007-2009. Truth is I didn’t deal with it, and eventually they fired me. Next job basically taught me that it was possible to enjoy your boss & coworkers.
If you’re going through it now, best advice is to find people to talk to. Partner at home, work friends, anyone you trust. If it’s to the point of harassment, you tell management. If they blow you off, look for employment elsewhere.
