He’s not

“Ask meany thing”?

What are thooooooooose???

Nuh-uh! Americans can’t be terrorists cuz Americans kill the terrorist, like Malcolm X and Jamal Khashoggi… Wait, are we the bad guys?

Stop it!

Okay, now do it some more…

I choose to believe that you conceived and birthed your son via parthenogenesis. Based on my belief, please entertain us with the story of the romantic night during which you impregnated yourself.

Do it. I fucking dare you. It’ll be fun to watch a media powerhouse and a douche meth lab burn each other down.

Oh yeah? Then why am I always angry at everyone all the time?!

Boom. Scienced!

\s

It’s really easy to tell the difference. The jellyfish is the one that hurts you immediately when you try to swallow it and the plastic bag is the one that causes problems in 1.5-3 minutes with catastrophic problems around 10 minutes.

Are you suggesting that we should burn down companies and factories? Cuz I’d never agree to meet you at a specific time and place so that we could disassemble the means of production and effectively delete entire toxic cogs of the economy.

In fact, tell me precisely where and when you plan on meeting so that I can definitely avoid you.

Couldn’t beer further from the truth. Son, I am not disappoint

No worries. I’ve never been more proud of you

Only one, but he’s considering eating a second one for an afternoon snack

I saw Frakes at ACCC a few years ago, that was pretty cool to attend his talk. Billy Zane was my favorite, though. As for LeVar, dude seems so cool, he’d probably sit and sing with you.

Worst experience I’ve had at a con: excitedly meeting Jaimie Kennedy (I was literally the only person to walk his queue) and finding out that he’s a mega-asshole. Also smells like an asshole. I threw away his autograph in front of him and told him that he lost his only fan at the entire con.

HOLY SHIT, FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER CARED ABOUT!

I wanted to go to Space Con and decided that it was simply too expensive, especially just a couple of weeks after going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show live. I hope it’s amazing and that the entire guest list actually shows up. A few years ago, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rick Moranis showed up for their first cons and everyone assumed that Alamo City Comic Con was just pulling our leg, so I wouldn’t totally discount your favorite celebrities being there.

And I’m up late cuz it’s the weekend and I gotta find some way to fuck myself over. Might as well be fucking up my sleep cycle.

The Freeman Coliseum isn’t way too far from me, so DM me if you wanna meet up and mutually murder each other or say hi or something.

What’s that in freedom units?

Shit, I voted for you! I’ve handed out pamphlets that say “TexasDrunk: stealing daddies since 1997 and playing triangle in a punk folk cover band tomorrow.” I’ve offered to fart in a lot of pots and it’s been pretty unpopular so far…

Someone take @[email protected]’s car keys, they’re obviously drunk

@[email protected], please hand out the “TheFartographer has bad Ideas” pamphlets

Gender gas. I’m gender gas. Final answer, Regis.

Regis? Someone call a doctor!

The gender triple point, aka gender superposition, is where a gender can be calculated and estimated, but not observed. Attempting to observe the gender changes it to a different state.

In layman’s terms, this is also called “mind your own fucking business, your obsession with my genitals is fucking weird and creepy.”

“What was Windows even doing for us?”

Providing minimal malware protection while being actual malware?