If it doesn’t go well, I’m just going to move to one of the smaller US mainlands.

Same energy as me holding Ctrl and pressing S seven times just to make sure.

My favorite comment to date is; “Zuckerberg looks like someone who is constantly resisting the urge to blink sideways.”

Elon Musk is a wannabe fanboy of Tony Stark, per Iron Man 2. It’s MCU canon.

It’s laid out just like Spotify and Apple Music, so pretty much.

So was The Twilight Zone, no one listened to those parables either.

*fawn things up

“That was All American Rejects. Next up is Death Cab For Cuties and Alien Ant Farm.”

FUUUCK!!

When did the I Voted stickers start getting judgy?

Horseshoe Crabs: “Well, well, well, look who decided to come floating back.”

I have a two-year-old who watches the laundry tumble dry through the clear door like he’s peering out a window. That is absolutely baby fingerprints.

ARM wants a sweeter deal.

“Incredibally”

37 reps!

Literally this morning, I asked my two-year-old if he was hungry and he went into the kitchen and pointed at the Fusilli.

I’ll take shit that messed me up as a teenager for 500, Alex.

Universe: “Best I can do is hairless monkeys with anxiety.”

Samsung phones: [inserts saved clipart]

“This time I’m just going to install the essential mods and have a vanilla play through.”

5 hours later

“What do you mean Mass Effect Weapons conflicts with Nude HD Textures? They do completely different things!”

That feeling when you haven’t play Minecraft for months and then you load it up just to play around for a while and then you notice sunlight coming through the curtains.