I faked trombone all the way through middle school. Adam, the kid next to me, knew how to play trombone and could read the music as well. What I did was create my own system of trombonal slide positions, numbered 1 through 6. Then I would watch where Adam moved his slide with each note played, and I would write the corresponding number from my system above each note on my paper.

I leached you like a vampire, Adam.

My brother explained skatole to me once, and I remember the balancing act he had to perform to explain that he’s not saying my shit smells good in particular, but that it shares a certain quality with the odor of flowers. . But not a good quality, mind you.

I appreciated the compliment.

STOP POSTING PICTURES OF THE SCROLLS! I swear this generation is reckless for upvotes. I only caught a glimpse and I saw the position I’m going to be shitting in when I die.

A schmetterling is the approximate amount of shit one spackles into the bowl of the toilet after a particularly fibrous day. It’s not so much that it clogs the plumbing or anything, but it certainly leaves a schmetterling of evidence behind for the next man to attempt to knock loose with his stream.

A very beautiful word.

Excellent deduction.

I’m more of a Mephisto guy myself, but it never hurts to run Baal.

I came here from Michigan back in 2017.

As long as politics aren’t being discussed, it’s easy to forget you even live in a conservative province. For the most part everyone is just normal people going about their lives like anywhere else. I get real fucking tired of the Trudeau circle-jerk, though. I get the impression most people don’t even know enough about politics to explain why they hate him so much. A lot of them still think he controls the price of fuel.

It’s a good way to guage someone’s character, though. The moment a person you’re unfamiliar with starts talking about/blaming Trudeau, you usually know they’re not worth talking to.

I kind of hate that I wound up in Alberta of all places, as I don’t support the UCP or agree with oil hicks and seperatists on much of anything, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t put down roots, started a family, and made a beautiful life here. I guess someone has to stick around to offer resistance and try to keep these idiots from privatizing healthcare. Red Deer nearly flipped orange last election. Never imagined I’d see that happen.

Have we forgotten Revan and Malak’s misuse of the Starforge already?!

🎵 Fruit and vegetables keep us alive… 🎵

(OP imagining the invention of the hamburger)

“HOW EVER CAN WE EAT THIS GLISTENING PUCK OF MEAT WITHOUT GETTING OUR HANDS ALL GREASY?!”

I perceive remaining time much better with an analogue clock. It’s also why I perceive time in fractions. I think it’s the superior clock, and people should probably learn to fucking read one since they’re everywhere.

I also think it’s kind of insane that we’re not at least learning how to read cursive in schools anymore. There are countless documents written in English that English speakers will not be able to properly decipher.

It’s like in No Man’s Sky where you start out giving thoughtful names to every planet you come across, but after about twenty systems you’re running into similar world types and color schemes that evoke the same names you’ve already used, so you just stop giving a shit and stick with the names the planets are generated with.

I’m just relieved they finally fucked off with the mobile checkout thing in Canada. They were pushing it so hard for a while there that I dreaded even going into the store. You couldn’t get through checkout without four different employees wanting to explain it to you and asking, “Why not mobile checkout? But you get ten times the points! C’mon, try it!”

I did try it, too. Twice. The first time was confusing, unintuitive, and clunky. The second time was exactly like the first, except it didn’t beep with I had finished paying and the woman at the counter had a heart attack thinking I was running out the door with stolen merchandise. By the time she checked everything and confirmed that I had, I decided those 10X points could fuck off.

Oh no! Who will suck off Alberta?

I imagine he spent the entirety of the ban raging like Dennis Reynolds and counting down the days. “IDIIIOOOTS! IDDDIIIIOOOOTSS!!!”

I remember going on a nature walk in Middle School, and our primary stoner/everyone’s future dealer (we’ll call him Nate because that was his name) picked and ate a random mushroom for the lols. I remember spending the entirety of that walk worrying about Nate’s next couple of days. But as you likely pieced together, he was fine, and lived to become everyone’s future dealer.

EDIT: For anyone wondering, it was one of those small, skinny, kind of spindly looking mushrooms. Almost like psilocybin but with a flatter cap.

Night of the Full Moon is incredible.

Ah, I saw this posted in two seperate places, and the first instance stated they were from Syria. I thought this was the same article.