I drive a 2001 which is in that dead zone after cassettes but before aux plugs. I still had to be burning CDs a few years ago but eventually stumbled across an adapter that tricks the car stereo into thinking my phone is a 6-CD changer in the trunk.

My best friend in high school in the '80s had something on his home stereo I’ve never seen before or since: an 8-track tape recorder. We would make 8-track mix tapes and take them to parties … which we promptly got kicked out of because they were tapes of stuff like Yes, King Crimson, Laurie Anderson, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis, and didn’t nobody want to listen to that kind of shit back then.

Would you think those guys would know to do something about a dude on a roof with a rifle?

Elon Musk’s vertical is horizontal.

I heard the older folks say that I would wake up and be old one day and it would feel like barely any time has passed.

I’m almost 60 and I feel more like I should be 100 or so. I’ve had many different careers and technology has changed so much that I feel I’ve lived through multiple lifetimes. I think people who do basically the same thing every day (and night) over and over again, with the same people, tend to perceive life as flying by because there’s no real difference between one day and the next.

At my last company, they usually gave end-of-the-year bonuses instead of raises. They were pretty generous, usually amounting to about half of our annual salaries, but it of course prevented us from being guaranteed that level of compensation the following year. That’s why I always describe bonuses as raises followed by pay cuts.

I once quit my job at a software company I really hated. They were desperate to keep me around for the projects I was leading so they asked if I would work hourly for a while. I quoted them a go-fuck-yourselves hourly rate which they immediately agreed to, which made me even more angry about my prior years of poor compensation. I worked under this agreement for about half a year and further improved my effective hourly rate by not working very hard.

It’s funny how people who get their news exclusively from their Facebook feeds have never heard of Cambridge Analytica. I can’t imagine how that could happen.

I wish I could remember what product this was, but many years ago there was some bullshit new age supplement that had “Guaranteed Placebo Effect” on the packaging.

I’m a school bus driver and I had to ban the singing of Christmas songs on my bus before Thanksgiving. Naturally the little bastards ignore this, just like they ignore my injunction against singing Taylor Swift songs. Thank god T-Swiffer has never done a Christmas album.

Back when I was working on my (never completed) dissertation, I would sometimes call up televangelists’ hotlines and talk about my research. It was pretty amusing how they would initially try to steer the conversation to the God stuff but then give up as I kept relentlessly returning to my subject. Eventually they were reduced to “uh huh … uh huh” but they couldn’t just hang up on me because they weren’t allowed to. I actually worked through some problems this way.

You misspelled “harvest” and “organs”.

Mushroom mushroom.

Never mind the weather report.

I don’t mind the hairs growing inside my ears - it’s those sneaky fuckers growing on the backs of my ears that piss me off.

Speaking as an old dude, it’s absolutely astonishing how fast eyebrow hairs grow when you’re old. Like, a quarter of an inch a day and I’m not even joking. I trim mine every day and I still look like Thufir Hawat by dinnertime.

Take it … I don’t need it!

Undergrads: I get dumber, they stay the same age.

What is your area? I’ve lived in about 20 US states, in cities and rural areas, and it’s always been 1 cop per vehicle.

You’re thinking of cop shows from the '70s and '80s, not reality.