I once sat next to a family from our local car dealer commercials in a restaurant and they spent the entire time talking about their recent trip to Paris. The whole conversation was about how the food wasn’t American enough and the cable at the hotel didn’t have their shows. Nothing about sights or culture or experiences.
That’s because they didn’t go to Paris to experience Paris. They went to Paris so they could brag to everyone back home that they went to Paris, and then use that to reinforce their superiority complex.
When we went to Cancun (Isla Mujeres, actually) all the food was Americanized or just seafood. Our bartender at this little beach hut bar thingy became a good friend (still in touch, nearly 10 years later) and he heard my brother and I complaining that all the food was super Americanized.
He told us to rent a car and he would take us to the most authentic Mexican food in the world… So we rented a car, and dude drove us over an hour away to his abuelas, and she cooked us food, and it was the best food I had ever had. Incredible.
Copy paste from another time I told the story: Placeholder comment because I need to go back to sleep. Someone remind me and I’ll tell y’all about rescuing my brother from a maybe kidnapping in Mexico.
Okay, so, me and my brother visited Mexico. It was a fairly small town, not a major place like Cancun. Had an amazing time. Ended up meeting these two bartenders that we became friends with. Their boss, who legit made everyone he met call him El Jefe, would come by and steal their tips and get drunk. We were there for a week. On the last night, I’m on the other side of the town (10 minute walk away) trying to seal the deal with this dude I’d met, and my brother was at the little bar hanging with our bartender friends. I get a call from him, panicked, as he whisper yells that El Jefe asked him to come with him to another bar he owns. He’s in the car, El Jefe is flying down the street, he’s doing cocaine off the dash. Please come get him at this other bar. He sends me one of those location pins that update in real time.
I tell dude that I’ll help him finish later, and take off to rescue my brother. He’s only like 5 minutes away, and has stopped moving. I go into the club, and start looking for him, but he’s not there. I’m asking folks if they’ve seen him, and trying to get closer to his pin. Finally, I find his phone, there’s some random ass dude who has it, and when I tell him I’m gonna need that phone, he tries to act like it’s his. I explain to him it’s my brother’s. He acts like he’s gonna swing at me, so I drop El Jefe’s name. That, combined with the fact that he’s 5’nothing and I’m 6’3 and near 300 pounds convinced him of the error of his ways. He gave me the phone, and I moved on in my search. I talked to the bartender, who explained that El Jefe had been there a few minutes ago, and had left some coke for me because my brother told him I was meeting them there (neither I nor my brother do coke). I asked could he tell me where they were headed. He gave me an address about a mile away. I took off.
I arrive at the house, by this point it is nearly 2 in the morning. It looks like just a house, but the lights are on so I knock on the door. I am greeted by a woman with the largest breasts I have ever seen in real life. They’re enormous. And she’s topless. Now, I don’t speak Spanish. I know enough to ask where the bathrooms are, and (I smokes at the time) where I could smoke at. Other than that, it was Google translate and gesturing for me.
However, I did not need Spanish to understand that this woman was a prostitute, and was very keen on the young American in front of her (or, at least his wallet). I tried to explain I’m trying to find my brother, but she wasn’t having it. Grabbing at my crotch, trying to pull me into one of the bedrooms off the (very nicely decorated for a brothel) living room. As my actions at this moment were less Liam Neeson and more Jerry Stiller, I decided to just come clean with her with one of the only Spanish words I knew “yo soy Mariposa!”
Now, I know that’s a slur, and I’m sorry if it upsets anyone. But at the time, it was the only thing I could think of. An hour before hand, the phrase had been… Relevant.
It was like a magic spell. Her entire attitude changed, and she was finally able to listen to my words. Once we cobbled together enough Spanglish to understand each other, I gave her the coke from the club as a thanks, and headed off to find my brother where she told me El Jefe had taken him next.
I arrive back at the night club I’d gotten the coke from, and I see El Jefe’s car this time. It’s parked in an alley behind the club, against an outdoor stair case. I go up the stairs and open the door to a private little fucking rave on the top floor of the club. They’ve got their own bar up here, and if I remember correctly, you can’t get from one floor to the other from within the club.
I see them at last! My brother looks mortified, trying to get to the entrance, and keeps getting pulled back by El jefe, and El jefe dancing with fucking scar face levels of coke on his face. It’s insane. I go up to them, and El jefe is all excited to see me, asks if I want some more coke, do I wanna party, he has a pretty boy all picked out for me if I want.
I tell him no thanks, we’ve gotta go. He gets pissy and says I’m being rude, stay and party. I tell him we’re leaving, and before I can react, he swings at me in all hiscoke fueled glory, completely missing me by a country mile. I stand up and tower over this man and explain we have a plane to catch in the morning. He finally let us go, and we head out.
Our plane the next day was delayed, so we ended up spending two more days there. In that time, El Jefe apologized for swinging at me, and gave us a tour of some of the apartments he rents.
We still keep in touch on Whatsapp, and he invites us to his enormous birthday party every year. He also says he’ll rent me an apartment there if I want to do private security for him. He talks to my brother more than me, though. He really liked him, and he calls me El Gigante. He really, really wants us both to come work for him. From what I gather, he basically runs the entire town we were in.
Yeah, it makes for a great story, but in the moment it was fucking terrifying. Especially considering that’s not the sort of environment I’ve ever been comfortable in. I don’t do drugs or party like that
You have delivered a comment that exceeded my wildest dreams. Thank you. Let me know when you start publishing your biography. I’ll definitely buy a copy.
These are the same people that invade inexpensive rural areas and build a bunch of houses and then complain that there isn’t enough to do and not enough government services. Bitch we lived here because it was quiet and inexpensive. Now it’s neither.
My favorite experience in Paris was going around and buying items for a picnic and having it on the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower at sunset, it was amazing.
That’s really frustrating in a way that speaks to my own personal experience. I once went to a sushi restaurant, and their mac 'n cheese was not very good. They didn’t even have ketchup.
I don’t know. When I’m forced to go to Paris on my mandatory annual vacation, I keep a framed photo of my boss and coworkers on the nightstand to stare at wistfully while wondering what I’m missing out on. I also have a gaming app called “Sim Accounting” so I can have fun pretending to fill out forms and spreadsheets so I don’t get bored. Looking out of the hotel window, I feel kinda bad for the poor Parisians. They don’t know the pride of having a neatly manicured lawn under the close scrutiny of an HOA or the excitement of maintaining, insuring, registering, and driving a large 8-seat SUV. When I think of all the fun I’ve had navigating traffic on the highway and downtown on the way to the office, I feel a little pang of regret that these French people might never know that joy. I wonder if we did the right thing. Maybe if we had stayed longer in Europe at the end of the war, we could have helped them remodel their cities with proper highways, suburbs, and strip malls. Nonetheless, the past is the past. I’m here for nearly two weeks. At least it will teach me to appreciate home more, if nothing else.
I once sat next to a family from our local car dealer commercials in a restaurant and they spent the entire time talking about their recent trip to Paris. The whole conversation was about how the food wasn’t American enough and the cable at the hotel didn’t have their shows. Nothing about sights or culture or experiences.
That’s because they didn’t go to Paris to experience Paris. They went to Paris so they could brag to everyone back home that they went to Paris, and then use that to reinforce their superiority complex.
I’m other words, they’re useless assholes.
If you actually want to experience France, you don’t go to Paris
Exactly, you storm northwest France for so long they eventually name you king rollo and they name the region Normandy after you.
Everybody knows that.
When we went to Cancun (Isla Mujeres, actually) all the food was Americanized or just seafood. Our bartender at this little beach hut bar thingy became a good friend (still in touch, nearly 10 years later) and he heard my brother and I complaining that all the food was super Americanized.
He told us to rent a car and he would take us to the most authentic Mexican food in the world… So we rented a car, and dude drove us over an hour away to his abuelas, and she cooked us food, and it was the best food I had ever had. Incredible.
We should all be so lucky. Thanks for sharing.
That whole trip was pretty incredible, tbh. My brother actually got kidnapped briefly on our last night there
Okay, that story took a sharp left turn. I feel like you should share the details with us.
Copy paste from another time I told the story: Placeholder comment because I need to go back to sleep. Someone remind me and I’ll tell y’all about rescuing my brother from a maybe kidnapping in Mexico.
Okay, so, me and my brother visited Mexico. It was a fairly small town, not a major place like Cancun. Had an amazing time. Ended up meeting these two bartenders that we became friends with. Their boss, who legit made everyone he met call him El Jefe, would come by and steal their tips and get drunk. We were there for a week. On the last night, I’m on the other side of the town (10 minute walk away) trying to seal the deal with this dude I’d met, and my brother was at the little bar hanging with our bartender friends. I get a call from him, panicked, as he whisper yells that El Jefe asked him to come with him to another bar he owns. He’s in the car, El Jefe is flying down the street, he’s doing cocaine off the dash. Please come get him at this other bar. He sends me one of those location pins that update in real time.
I tell dude that I’ll help him finish later, and take off to rescue my brother. He’s only like 5 minutes away, and has stopped moving. I go into the club, and start looking for him, but he’s not there. I’m asking folks if they’ve seen him, and trying to get closer to his pin. Finally, I find his phone, there’s some random ass dude who has it, and when I tell him I’m gonna need that phone, he tries to act like it’s his. I explain to him it’s my brother’s. He acts like he’s gonna swing at me, so I drop El Jefe’s name. That, combined with the fact that he’s 5’nothing and I’m 6’3 and near 300 pounds convinced him of the error of his ways. He gave me the phone, and I moved on in my search. I talked to the bartender, who explained that El Jefe had been there a few minutes ago, and had left some coke for me because my brother told him I was meeting them there (neither I nor my brother do coke). I asked could he tell me where they were headed. He gave me an address about a mile away. I took off.
I arrive at the house, by this point it is nearly 2 in the morning. It looks like just a house, but the lights are on so I knock on the door. I am greeted by a woman with the largest breasts I have ever seen in real life. They’re enormous. And she’s topless. Now, I don’t speak Spanish. I know enough to ask where the bathrooms are, and (I smokes at the time) where I could smoke at. Other than that, it was Google translate and gesturing for me.
However, I did not need Spanish to understand that this woman was a prostitute, and was very keen on the young American in front of her (or, at least his wallet). I tried to explain I’m trying to find my brother, but she wasn’t having it. Grabbing at my crotch, trying to pull me into one of the bedrooms off the (very nicely decorated for a brothel) living room. As my actions at this moment were less Liam Neeson and more Jerry Stiller, I decided to just come clean with her with one of the only Spanish words I knew “yo soy Mariposa!”
Now, I know that’s a slur, and I’m sorry if it upsets anyone. But at the time, it was the only thing I could think of. An hour before hand, the phrase had been… Relevant.
It was like a magic spell. Her entire attitude changed, and she was finally able to listen to my words. Once we cobbled together enough Spanglish to understand each other, I gave her the coke from the club as a thanks, and headed off to find my brother where she told me El Jefe had taken him next.
I arrive back at the night club I’d gotten the coke from, and I see El Jefe’s car this time. It’s parked in an alley behind the club, against an outdoor stair case. I go up the stairs and open the door to a private little fucking rave on the top floor of the club. They’ve got their own bar up here, and if I remember correctly, you can’t get from one floor to the other from within the club.
I see them at last! My brother looks mortified, trying to get to the entrance, and keeps getting pulled back by El jefe, and El jefe dancing with fucking scar face levels of coke on his face. It’s insane. I go up to them, and El jefe is all excited to see me, asks if I want some more coke, do I wanna party, he has a pretty boy all picked out for me if I want.
I tell him no thanks, we’ve gotta go. He gets pissy and says I’m being rude, stay and party. I tell him we’re leaving, and before I can react, he swings at me in all hiscoke fueled glory, completely missing me by a country mile. I stand up and tower over this man and explain we have a plane to catch in the morning. He finally let us go, and we head out.
Our plane the next day was delayed, so we ended up spending two more days there. In that time, El Jefe apologized for swinging at me, and gave us a tour of some of the apartments he rents.
We still keep in touch on Whatsapp, and he invites us to his enormous birthday party every year. He also says he’ll rent me an apartment there if I want to do private security for him. He talks to my brother more than me, though. He really liked him, and he calls me El Gigante. He really, really wants us both to come work for him. From what I gather, he basically runs the entire town we were in.
That is a wild ride, that felt all too familiar. I do not miss getting myself into these kinds of hijinks.
Yeah, it makes for a great story, but in the moment it was fucking terrifying. Especially considering that’s not the sort of environment I’ve ever been comfortable in. I don’t do drugs or party like that
This. This is the type of deep-set-comment-buried weirdness I missed from Reddit. Thank you for an interesting read.
You have delivered a comment that exceeded my wildest dreams. Thank you. Let me know when you start publishing your biography. I’ll definitely buy a copy.
I’m actually currently writing my mom’s! My life has been positively mundane compared to hers!
Nothing we’ve learned about you so far has been mundane. I feel like we definitely need to hear some of your mom’s stories then.
I’d watch that movie.
These are the same people that invade inexpensive rural areas and build a bunch of houses and then complain that there isn’t enough to do and not enough government services. Bitch we lived here because it was quiet and inexpensive. Now it’s neither.
My favorite experience in Paris was going around and buying items for a picnic and having it on the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower at sunset, it was amazing.
That’s really frustrating in a way that speaks to my own personal experience. I once went to a sushi restaurant, and their mac 'n cheese was not very good. They didn’t even have ketchup.
The green ketchup tasted funny, and made my nose tingle. They didn’t even bother to cook the fish!
https://lemmy.world/post/25843501
Bonus points if they complained about all the foreigners (French people) in Paris.
Why cain’t they speak English lahk normal foke?
….from the people that butchered the English language.
Can English be butchered? It’s already a wildly inconsistent frappe of Frisian, Latin, Greek, and French.
It’s kinda baffling to think someone would want to be reminded of home while on vacation
I don’t know. When I’m forced to go to Paris on my mandatory annual vacation, I keep a framed photo of my boss and coworkers on the nightstand to stare at wistfully while wondering what I’m missing out on. I also have a gaming app called “Sim Accounting” so I can have fun pretending to fill out forms and spreadsheets so I don’t get bored. Looking out of the hotel window, I feel kinda bad for the poor Parisians. They don’t know the pride of having a neatly manicured lawn under the close scrutiny of an HOA or the excitement of maintaining, insuring, registering, and driving a large 8-seat SUV. When I think of all the fun I’ve had navigating traffic on the highway and downtown on the way to the office, I feel a little pang of regret that these French people might never know that joy. I wonder if we did the right thing. Maybe if we had stayed longer in Europe at the end of the war, we could have helped them remodel their cities with proper highways, suburbs, and strip malls. Nonetheless, the past is the past. I’m here for nearly two weeks. At least it will teach me to appreciate home more, if nothing else.
Rednecks are the dumbest people on planet earth. Attempted culture of not, you can’t fix it.